Sobering Moments
Tonight I’ll be telling my eight year old that one of his friends died last night in a tragic accident. I can’t imagine what the family of this little boy is going through. It’s devastating even from afar.
For those of us affected at a distance, it’s a sobering reminder of how fragile this life is, and how quickly it can change.
For me, this news comes at a time when I have been deliberately separating myself from many of the activities and communities that have made demands on my time for well over a decade. It mostly revolves around Mormonism, whether it be the demands of various callings or the time spent writing for various blogs of the Bloggernacle, or even the time and energy spent working to help sustain various independent communities. I’ve given them up. I have neither the passion nor the energy to engage them any longer.
It almost sounds defeatist, but I am significantly happier now than I have been in a long, long time. Ideas, conversations, the wrestling with theology and religion – at one time these things animated my life. But my interest has completely dissipated. In their place I have found joy and happiness in just experiencing life with those I love. Even my time spent with the Monsters has changed – I tend to withdraw and listen when our discussions center around our religion and faith, while I find the time we spend just enjoying each others company – laughing, bantering, sharing – to be the moments I most cherish.
And my family. I’ve always spent a great deal of time with them, doing what I can to relate and to provide. But things have shifted recently – I am doing better at reflecting on and appreciating each moment. This past weekend, while Sunstone was in full swing, I disengaged from the community even more – turning off my phone, my email, my tethers, and escaping for a weekend focusing on my marriage and children. It was wonderful! From quiet moments with my wife over dinner to time playing with my children, it was a splendid weekend recalibrating and connecting.
There isn’t a clear point for this post. It’s simply reflective.
So tonight, as I explain to my son what happened to his friend, I’ll be thinking about the meaningful relationships in my life. I’ll be looking for ways to build even more memories and moments with my children. I’ll be appreciating the small things in life.
My heart is breaking for this family; even as my heart is filled with gratitude for the time I have to continue to make memories, enjoy experiences, and share this life with those I love.
Sobering indeed. I’m sorry for your son; I hope he is okay.
Life can be so cruel, and what’s more, so random in it’s cruelty. This accident is a disquieting reminder of that.
While I’m different in how I’ve severed myself from some things, I feel kinship in your words. I grow less and less patient with groups, tasks, responsibilities, and even people that do not directly enrich me or do not involve my wife and children. For a culture that places a premium on family, we sure seem compelled to spend a lot of time away from it. So little of our time is our own, and it feels as if it slips away more quickly with each passing year. Thank you for the reminder of what’s important.
Hosea,
I am also very sorry for the grief this family is facing and that you have had the difficult task of notifying your son about his friend’s tragic death. I can also relate to your reflective mood, and I agree that focusing on the particulars—the people we love and specific things that bring us joy—is a major key to happiness.
I also relate in some ways to your statement about what is attracting you about our Monsters get-togethers is less the parts where we wrangle with the specifics of our religion and more about just getting together and laughing and sharing as friends. If by this you mean our wrestles (yet again!) with Joseph Smith as fraud or not, Book of Mormon as historical or not, justifications, if any, for polygamy, ban on blacks holding priesthood, etc., I totally agree. On the other hand, I still very much enjoy “big picture” topics such as whether life is meaningful in ways that transcend biological drives and chemical processes, whether a belief in life after death adds or detracts from the richness of life, how we can live motivated and oriented lives if we believe we are the sole constructors of whatever purposes we live for, if spiritual experiences have any “evidential” value, etc. For me, at least, these kinds of issues and all attempts to deepen the context for our lives enhance my enjoyment of family and quiet moments of reflection and connection.